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Are the Networks Run by Trained Chimps |
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Wednesday, 22 February 2006 |
By D. W. O’Dell
 Mark Twain once wrote, “First God created idiots. That was for practice. Then He created school boards.” I suspect that if Mark Twain were alive today he would have chosen to defame TV network executives instead of school board members.
Why are network executives so consistently stupid? How do they get the jobs they have, and make so much money, despite being utterly talent-less morons? Every TV season the suits at the networks make a dozen stupid decisions that kill two dozen good shows, while who knows how many brilliant new shows never see the light of day.
Where to begin? How about at NBC, where the network is for the umpteenth time putting a lame sitcom in the Thursday at 8:30 slot in the belief that if they “hammock” a lousy show in between two good ones that the public won’t notice it stinks. This strategy didn’t work with Inside Schwartz, Cursed, Jesse, Union Square, or Single Guy, but it just might work with Four Kings? It didn’t work with Friends as the lead in show, but it might work with that ratings powerhouse Joey? The lone Thursday 8:30 entry that was actually good was Scrubs, in 2002, but now that show, NBC’s best comedy, is on hiatus for half a season, and then burns two episodes a week instead of pairing it with another good sitcom like My Name is Earl in the Tuesday 9-10 slot.
By the way, if you listen to the commentary tracks on the Scrubs seasons one and two DVDs, creator Bill Lawrence has no love for network “notes.“ He says that almost every episode the network suggested killing has either won awards or been voted one of the top episodes by fans, and that if the network suits don’t get a joke their suggestion is to cut it. One has to be amazed at the hubris of corporate executives with MBAs presuming to tell creative people how to write their shows.
Let’s go to ABC, where the network committed the sin of fixing something that wasn’t broken. The network’s biggest new hit was Commander in Chief, a show that had little critical buzz but never the less was watched by nearly 17 million viewers in a very competitive time slot. ABC was so pleased with the show’s success that they fired creator Rob Lurie and brought in Steven Bochco, who had no experience with either family dramas or political shows. Bochco then fired the entire writing staff, and reportedly, the new staff pounded out scripts in five days. When the show returned after a long hiatus, its ratings fell to the 10 million-range.
ABC obviously hoped to avoid what happened to The West Wing, which forced creator Aaron Sorkin out after four seasons because of late scripts and busted budgets. But the difference is that Sorkin had 4 years to make West Wing an established thoroughbred, so that it could sputter on for three seasons after his departure (I know people have talked about the show having a “renaissance” last season and this season; if you go back and watch the Sorkin shows you’ll see that the show isn’t as good, it just sucks less than it did in its first post-Sorkin season).
And while we’re at it, let’s congratulate WB on canceling Angel in 2004. At the time, the show was second only to Smallville in the 18-34 demographic and had a solid, loyal fan base that was in no danger of eroding. But Joss Whedon had ticked off the network by taking Buffy the Vampire Slayer to UPN, so they cancelled Angel and replaced it with The Mountain. The Mountain lasted 4 ½ seasons less than Angel. Meanwhile, Angel’s final episode was watched by more viewers than Buffy’s final episode (5.3 million vs. 4.9 million, according to TV.com) and fan interest remains high two years after Angel’s premature death.
Quality seems to find its way on to television despite network suits, not because of them. The commentaries on the DVDs of Lost detail that show’s fights with the network (although, to be fair, the series is what it is because a few ABC execs decided to leave the show alone). Networks are incredibly imitative - when daring, innovative shows like Lost come along, all the networks immediately try and copy it (imitation is the sincerest form of television, as Fred Allen once said). What networks need to realize is that the best way to create quality TV is to find creative people, give them some money, then get out of their way. But “the suits” will never stop trying to pretend that they are creative people, too.
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